i don’t want to sound desperate, but i am desperate right now.

yeap.

exactly.

indeed.

certainly.

definitely.

undeniable.

.. i want to spend time with you again.

• Things seem to get deteriorated.
• I am out of patience most of the time.
• She acts as if her feeling is way important than mine.
• We can barely be happy.

I don’t want to find her or what. Let us be this way. What’s done is done and I’m not taking back what I have said. There is no use to do that. I’m not going to prove either of us is wrong or right. So sick of it already. Now, I’m just going to act normal; just consider her feeling over mine. I am so weak to fight back. Let’s just make her satisfy of what she thinks is correct.

Amal, aku indakan lawan lagi apa yang kau pikir lurus bagimu. Biar tia aku rasa bidakah, sakitkah, asal kau tau apa yang kau buat arah aku.

I love you.

My confession, My confusion and My Do’a.

I have so many confusion in my head right now. I was in need someone to express all of them but unluckily, I couldn’t find any.

I just want to feel things I when I was primary. I had confidence to achieve something. Now it has already gone and I’m feeling like a mess. Spilled tears due to thinking too much about it but it didn’t seem to give me some help.

There are so many ‘what if’s in my head. What if..

• I won’t be accepted in MKJB or MTSSR next year?
• I tell my dad that I won’t take Maths AS Level next year?
• I don’t pass my Geography next year?
• I can’t achieve my dreams? etc.

There more and more and more. I was indeed acting like crazy; talking to myself, expressing it to Allah. I am downright confused right now. Why can’t I feel like before? What is wrong with me? Is this because of regrets I am bearing? Sins I have done to Him? I am so afraid.. so damn afraid. I know I think too much. I’ll keep on thinking about it till I satisfy myself. What is this all about? I need answers. I’m weak, Ya Allah. )’: It’s not about anyone or anything, it is about myself. I just want to live my life in a way that I supposed to just to feel peace in my heart. I have done with regrets, I have done doing sins. I do not want to do it anymore. I want to be a better person. A person who my family can be proud of, who can show himself that he can do it. Where is my confidence? Where is every thing? )’: Only You know what I’m feeling right now. Show me the way.. show me the real path I should be taking from now on.