December 18th.

I stopped listening to The Offspring for a while and have turned on Hedley – The Nights I Can’t Remember. It’s a lovely slow song which is good for a prom night. Maybe I’ll ask them to include this song in the song-list for the coming prom night. I’m not that stoked to go, though. I could’ve been feeling enthusiastic if Amalhs could go with me.

Actually I’m posting this because I’ve been missing Amalhs since the last time we met which was a month and few days ago. Due to this fact, I can’t help being sad every night. Seriously, I’ve been sad for four/three weeks of night in a row. And I miss hugging her from her back and do a slow dance. For this dance thingy, I blame Sex Drive for making me to miss it. Yeah, there’s this once scene where they were having slow dance with Fall Out Boys song.

Protected: Lonely Liar.

This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password:

what i’ve become.

I’m wishing that you were spending a happy moment with me right now. I know that I asked you to go to sleep. You said to me that you want me to sleep healthy, any goods that you want me to do are the goods that I want you to do, too. I’d rather feel this way before headache strikes you. Anyway, this ain’t quite big, just a fair one.
I know this leads nowhere but I just want to write this one. I’ve written many paragraphs about us throughout our relation and I just love it either it is sad or happy one.

I just want to feel sad for a little while. I hope you do not mind. I want to confess something to you as well. I know I’ve been different nowadays; harsh, unhappy, etc. But literally, I’ll change myself when I wake up the next morning. Just classify this as a present from me to you for our 16th months. I know I keep on changing myself, I do know it. I just want to feel suitable for you, I mean, really suitable. I don’t want you to be sad by me. I want to change all of it. I’ve been feeling sad and I just figured out – it’s because we haven’t met each other for quite a long time. I didn’t mean to make you feel sorry for not be able to meet me, I’m just stating a reasonable fact.

I want to be happy with you, love. I’ll try to change myself for you. I’m still feeling guilty no matter how many sincere forgiveness you have given to me. I’m feeling this isn’t enough yet; I don’t feel even a little of satisfaction. I know I’m being such a shit boyfriend; the one who has made you miserable, the one who has shouted to you, the one who you’ve wasted liters and liters of tears to, the one who has made you unhappy. I just want to hug you so much right now. I just want to meet you. I just want to kneel down before you and say how trully sorry I am.

Remember, you’re my source of happiness.

- Thaqif.

aha aha.

Merely has gone through two pages of my encyclopedia which I end at ‘acidosis’ – an abnormal high level of acidity and low level of alkalinity in a body fluid which includes blood. Talking about it, I wonder is it worth reading the encyclopedia. Yeap, I just have my second thought about it. If I share with them what I have known, would they even bother it? Most likely they’d say “like I care.” But my main purpose to read Encyclopedia is because I want to know something that I might not have known in my life. I want to learn something. I want to know knowledge of the world. But my main problem is I don’t know how to apply the knowledge. “What’s the use of learning something without applying it?” – This quote really throws me a value of sarcasm, hahaha.

Anyway, I stopped reading it because I just can’t concentrate. My head is a little bit aching. As Amalhs has told me ‘reading can’t be forced.’ Thanks for the words, love. (: And currently, I’m listening to We The Kings feat. Miley Cyrus – We’ll Be A Dream. A lovely song, you guys should really download and listen to it!

As you have seen, I haven’t been so active with my WordPress again. There was this time I felt like deleting it, but no, I won’t. I love my blogs, but I love Amalhs more than anything that I have ever loved. Talking about Amalhs, something has to be talked with her later… I hope as of then she’ll be good. I just don’t want her to isolate herself from friends and yeah, it does touch me because she has been spending a lot of time with me. Sometimes, I feel guilty for taking her from her friends. But then, it doesn’t matter who’s guilty in this case. What matters is what needs to be done to not to make her feel that way again. We’ll try to talk about it later.

Hmm, I don’t know what to do after this. Probably, take a nice cup of coffee or tea and then resume my reading. I don’t know hahaha.

I’m going now, chawawa!

Finally, after being thoughtless.

The very first of all, I want to say my apologetic words to my dear blog for abandoning it. I didn’t mean to or maybe I did mean to because I had been in no mood to blog.

What I’d like to blog today is indeed about my relation. I can’t keep my thoughts dying inside after all.

Decision; yeah this is what I’d like to discuss. See, we’ve been through extremely hard times together in our relation that we nearly broke it to two. But then, patience was once again our relation-saver. So, thanks to our patience.

I have been thinking about decision to be made in my relation with my dearest Amalhs because apparently, every path is disastrous! D: hahaha. I really feel like I need to blog this out so Amalhs can know what I feel about. Hey, what’s the use of being in relation without sharing our thoughts about it? Am I right or am I not wrong?

First – Plurk. See, since she mentioned about me tweeting less and plurking more, I started to feel a little more of guiltiness and uneasy. She did mention about she felt like shit and as if I missed my friends more than her (which finally, I can accept though I doubt it ) and she said “besides, your friends are more on Plurk” – sorry love, I didn’t mean to take it as sarcasm… yeah, it scratched my skin a little bit, but that’s not the point. The point is – should I stay away from friends for a while? But of course she’ll say no, indeed. Well, for the sake of her, I’ll do it. Let’s try to clarify the situation I’m having here; your love is at side A and your friends are at side B and you spend more to side B rather than side A. What would the exact feeling you’d feel? Of course guilty it is! As if, I don’t care about her, BUT I DO! I REALLY DO! She’s all I have, dude. I’ll be breathless without her, literally. So, my decision is, maybe I would stay away from Plurk for a while freeze my karma and give more times to twitter. Maybe which means 100% I will do it which I will start later morning which I feel certain about it.

Second thing – ignorance or unawareness. See, I’ve been thinking about feeling happy all the way and try to ignore some of her suspicious tweets. The case – whenever I see her tweet seems suspicious, I know it’s about me. I know she thinks something ‘bad me,’ I know there’s going to be something… so, I’m thinking to decide to ignore it. BUT, I’m afraid in a long period, as so many things I’ve ignored, she might think I don’t care about her anymore and might think I have another girl! Come on, I’m talking real here. It has happened okay? But not to me though. So, this is the one I haven’t had my decision yet. If I ignore, she might think as what I have mentioned. If I don’t, we probably would fight as every serious talk usually will out to be argument, then fight. I am afraid it’d happen again. Therefore, I don’t know what I should decide! D:

Thirdly – different me. Yeap! I’m feeling different right now. She has told me that I’m not like ‘me.’ But will you still love me if I have changed, love? I don’t know what’s happened to me but I feel energetic every time, happy most of the time. But what she has confessed to me is really, really, upsetting. I mean, I am not ‘me’ since few weeks ago… ? D: I haven’t noticed it until yesterday. So, should I ask her my changes and try to be back as how I was or stay like this and be as happy as I can?

i mean it.

It’s hard to enjoy things I have when my ‘source of happiness’ isn’t there because I want to share the enjoyment with it. It’s difficult to say that I’m having fun when you’re not there. It’s uneasy to give a genuine laughter when it tends to turn out to be a fake one due to your absence. Even the most beautiful sunset can lost its shines without you. Even the calming sound of the sea breeze can turn out to be the most devastating soundtrack of my life without you. All I want is your warmth by the time the sea breeze blows me as the heat produced by the bonfire isn’t as comforting as your warmth. Our moods are ones of things we have to deal with; but it’s hard to say that I’d rather deal with it than dealing with your absence. You’re my source of happiness and I cannot blame you for not appearing when you read this. You’re the requirement needed to light up my day.

To clarify it – I’m one obsessed man who misses his lover, who wishes he was here with you, who can’t stop worrying about you until he is convinced that every thing’s doing fine; not by words, by action. We were an inch to fight, again. Therefore, I don’t think we’re fine.
I love you.

shorty one.

i’m feeling better now. but i’m still pissed by my parents and sad about yesterday’s war. ugh, love, wish i can talk to you and help me just for once. sigh.

For you.

Hey love,

I really miss you, do you know that? I bet you always do know it. I even miss the tone you tend to use when you say ‘I miss you’ to me. I miss your cutest voice when we were on the phone, though your voice was kinda broken – sort of exhausted voice.

I just finished watching movie and with the romantic and passionate kissing scenes and with the sound of raining outside my house, what do you expect me to think and feel? Of course I feel missing you and obviously thinking about you, hahaa. And eventually I decided to blog this post which is especially for you. I’d rather be friendless than be loveless here without you.

Damn, I really wish you were here with me. Nothing’s ever happening without you. But I’m trying to work out the statement; work out as in breaking it. Emphasizing that you wanted me to be happy without your presence may make you understand what I’m saying.

You know what? I wish I can go to sleep whenever you are and be awake whenever you are. Unfortunately, I can’t. Haa, sounds like I’m a tail at your back, right? Trying to familiarize myself with you. Obsessed enough? Hahaa.

Well, I’ve got to go now.

I love you.

With love,
your fiancée.a

Walking By

It’s almost 6am in the morning.

So, good morning Brunei! Sorry readers, particularly my love, for not updating this blog for quite a while. I wasn’t in mood for updating any of my internet accounts with an exception for my Twitter. (:

I just got home from Wafiy’s house where I had delicious finger-licking KFC chicken with Pepsi and also I watched Zombieland! It’s a very interesting and funny movie.

Before I went to Wafiy’s house, I met my love and spent around 4 amazing with her. What surprises me is, I managed to fall asleep. Throughout our nights, I never fell asleep. Though I don’t have any idea for how long I was sleeping, hahaha. The bottomline is; I had a very great night! I try to tell myself to lessen it but I just can’t. Probably we will have tough times coming next year, so this is it. I have to appreciate every chance coming my way to meet her. I feel like I’ll do anything just to see her. We’re not like other couples where they can easily meet and have a date with their beloved person; we’re different. We have to go through hard times to meet and a thing that makes me sick is; I have to depend on someone in order to see her. I’ve been saying this for times and I’ll keep on repeating it until I won’t have to depend on anybody else to meet her. God, I really love her. I mean it literally. I mean it from the bottom of my heart. I really do. I’ve never had someone like her and I wish I will never meet someone like her. She’s more that pricelessly irreplaceable; she’s someone that I can barely describe.

Talking about it, the incipient of thought mentioning about next year scares the happiness out of me, sigh. I may be a tyro in the coming situation. No, no ‘may be.’ As a matter of fact, I am a tyro. It’ll be my first time and it’ll be worse than eating human’s flesh. Though I never taste one and will never ever taste it. I’m not some kind of green-eyed monster. I don’t have this monsterity within me. I don’t even know where the hell is ‘monsterity’ comes from. One thing that I know for sure is we will ameliorate our relation. Our dreams and all, efforts will be placed upon them in order to make real.

I really love you, dear. :’)

Holshit.

Just got home from school and Geography I was quite okay. I could answer most of the question though I’ve lost two marks due to answering wrongly. I really can’t wait for the examinations to end, indeed. Well, I guess I am stoked unreasonably for this holiday which surely will be another idle holidays. It’s better for me not to talk about it for a while.

In my mind, I miss meeting Wardy hahaha. I don’t know why, but yeah, I do miss to see his face with his long freaking hair! I plan to meet him with all G.O.P members after I’ve had finished my examinations. I want to kick everyone’s ass! :p

Currently I’m listening to Macy Grey – I try. Reminds me why I like this song. Go and ask AmalArle if you’re so curious, hahaha. It’s a nice song anyway.

Yesterday, it was hell upsetting when I turned off early to bed and woke up at 11pm which I thought it’d be 2am or whereabouts. Then I spent an hour and a half chatting with Amalhs. She can’t stay longer that that due to his hp’s problem. I miss you, love. I wonder how you are doing and how you look like in this lovely afternoon… (: Talking about my love, it really brings me back to word C.I.D. which I hate. Yes, I don’t like C.I.D. since… forever? I have been thinking about it since the last traumatizing experience. I really can’t stop thinking about it, stupid. Very stupid! Anyway, back to Amalhs went offline… after that I did all things that I could’ve done that time; playing guitar and CS. I played game instead of studying. That’s bad, really bad.
Consequently, I went to bed at 3am and fell asleep around 4.30am. Damn insomniac.

So, I’ve got nothing else to say now and I don’t know what to do. Probably will update my facebook, if I’m not lazy enough.

Chawawa ™!