I have so many confusion in my head right now. I was in need someone to express all of them but unluckily, I couldn’t find any.
I just want to feel things I when I was primary. I had confidence to achieve something. Now it has already gone and I’m feeling like a mess. Spilled tears due to thinking too much about it but it didn’t seem to give me some help.
There are so many ‘what if’s in my head. What if..
- I won’t be accepted in MKJB or MTSSR next year?
- I tell my dad that I won’t take Maths AS Level next year?
- I don’t pass my Geography next year?
- I can’t achieve my dreams? etc.
There more and more and more. I was indeed acting like crazy; talking to myself, expressing it to Allah. I am downright confused right now. Why can’t I feel like before? What is wrong with me? Is this because of regrets I am bearing? Sins I have done to Him? I am so afraid.. so damn afraid. I know I think too much. I’ll keep on thinking about it till I satisfy myself. What is this all about? I need answers. I’m weak, Ya Allah. )’: It’s not about anyone or anything, it is about myself. I just want to live my life in a way that I supposed to just to feel peace in my heart. I have done with regrets, I have done doing sins. I do not want to do it anymore. I want to be a better person. A person who my family can be proud of, who can show himself that he can do it. Where is my confidence? Where is every thing? )’: Only You know what I’m feeling right now. Show me the way.. show me the real path I should be taking from now on.
